I went to see a friend of mine this weekend. A guy friend. I’ve known this guy friend for over a decade now, although we haven’t always been friends. There have been points in the past 10 years or so where we drifted apart or we had a disagreement that caused our friendship to stop. I never stopped caring for this friend and at one point I had even thought I stopped caring as much as I do for him.

This actually all started back in July of this year. I hadn’t seen him in about 2 years after his family stopped coming to church. (A little side note: 3 years ago this coming October, I started going to Christ Life Fellowship in South Hadley, MA thanks to him.) I was driving home on a Sunday with a friend of mine after church and we saw him with his dad. It was bittersweet. I was so excited to see him but I also wished that he was still coming to church and I could tell that he wasn’t going at all. But I digress… That day we exchanged phone numbers and would text and talk on the phone (mostly text, really). We tried to get together a couple of times but just couldn’t seem to coordinate our schedules to do so. After a couple of weeks of not hearing from him, he sent me a text last Monday and we decided that to hang out this past Saturday. Amazingly enough, we actually we able to hang out.

However, once I saw him again, I had this feeling in my gut that there was a possibility we might end up going down the same road we had been down more than once. There has always been an attraction between us. I can’t and won’t deny it. It’s more than a physical attraction, at least for me, especially after knowing his heart toward God. It scares me though because I’m at a point in my life where I want to get married to a Christian man and have children. It’s part of the path God has paved for me.

There has always been a part of me that saw me and him together in the future but, to be honest, I’m not sure how he feels other than attraction. In the past we were never able to get it together. I laugh at myself now when I think about it because I was always that girl. You know, the one who jumped in feet first to the deep end – and the deep end is about 30 feet deep! I’m not sure I’m ready for that again and if it isn’t God’s will for us to be together, I certainly don’t want to ruin our friendship…

Needless to say, after just spending time together that one day, I am already at a crossroads about our friendship. It’s a friendship that scares me – not in a bad way because I think it would be good either way but in that I don’t know where it goes from here. I guess part of that is also because I didn’t want to overthink things but I guess it’s too late for that…

So… I guess my question is, what do I do now? Do I talk to him or do I just let it “play out”?

We’ll find out…



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