Insanity

The saying goes: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

(If you go here, you’ll get the actual definition, but we’ll use what I wrote above for this post. :-))

Today, I finally broke from one of the relationships that I always went back to expecting something – ANYTHING – about it to change.

And it was hard. And easy. At the same time.

It was hard because I’ve known him for a long time – 14 years long time.

But here’s how it was: we’d hang out for a while. My emotional attachment would rear its ugly head and I’d get it in my head that we would be good as a couple. (Enter the stereotypical needy girl.) So, I’d try to bring it up and that would usually be the end of hanging out because he doesn’t want a relationship right now (and right now has lasted about 5 or so years). (Exit boy.)

And there’s emotional baggage and physical attraction that has been lingering between us for, oh, about 14 years. While I have been open to taking our friendship to a dating relationship, he was not. There was a time when he may have been but it came and went.

We hadn’t really talked in a while – maybe since last summer? And about 2 months ago I saw him when I was dropping off mail at the end of a work day. It wasn’t until about two weeks that he texted me saying that we should hang out.

Sheesh. Do we really need to get back on the not-so-merry-go-round again?

So in the last couple of days I made the conscious decision to listen to what I believe the Holy Spirit was saying to me about this relationship – it’s time to put it to rest. But I was scared to let it go. To say goodbye.

I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Forget about mine. Like that really matters right?

So today I did it. I let go of a toxic relationship. I am stopping the insanity. Because we’ve tried too many times where I’ve expected a different outcome.

There is no other outcome except the outcome which God has already planned. His plan for my life was foreordained even before He created Adam.

The best decision I ever made was to hear the Holy Spirit call me to Him and obey it. Thank You, Lord, for calling me to You.

I hope this encourages someone that no matter how hopeless a situation is, there is hope of something better. What may be our second choice, in reality may be God’s first choice for our life. We need to learn to listen to God when He is telling us that a situation isn’t right. It may just be commissioned by the enemy to cause us to stray from the narrow path God has placed before us.

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3 responses to “Insanity

    • One of the hardest parts for me was the fact that this person was the one person who knew me before, during and after coming to Christ. Yet he fell away and I continued on so a part of me felt responsible – felt like I had to continue to be his contact point with the church if he ever chose to come back. To walk away was really hard but like you said, I had to be obedient.

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