There are moments when I feel like my friends would say that to me.
It’s usually when I’m about to type a text or hit the send button…. (And the crazy thing about it is I don’t really text all that often.)
I get this thought in my head that I’m bugging them when I send them a text or call them. I’m not really sure why this is.
All I know is that I feel like the annoying single friend amongst a bunch of married with children friends (you know the stereotypical geeky girl in high school movies that just wants to be able to hang out with the “cool kids” – yeah, that’s me). Like I’m missing out when they get together for lunch or to read together during the day. It makes me sad.
Because I know I need these people. I love them.
Sometimes I get this nagging thought that they don’t really need me.
Because I’m not in the same place in life that they are. I’m still “free as a bird” while they are tied to someone (or more than one someones). Not that it matters. We’re all walking with God. It just sometimes feels like they are a few steps ahead of me…
The sad thing is, is that I don’t even know how to tell them that I do really need them. And that the reason why I don’t text them during the day is because I feel like I’m bothering them or pestering them.
I don’t want to feel that way and I don’t want them to feel that way. So I just don’t do anything and I keep feeling like an annoyance when really I desire to reach out to them on a daily (or almost daily) basis. These women may not be my biological sisters but they are the sisters of my heart and Spirit. I just hope they know that…
I need their encouragement. I need them to keep me accountable (even when I’m not in the mood to hear it because I have my days…). The Christ that lives in my needs the Christ that lives in them. Because without each other we are only parts of a whole.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? If so, what have you done to change it?