Going Against the Grain

I get frustrated. Annoyed, really, when friends try to tell me that my (future) marriage is going to be a certain way.

As if each of their marriages is exactly the same.

And apparently every man is the same way. If that were the case, which I’m pretty sure it’s not, then I am better off staying single the rest of my life.

Because although I love all of my guy friends and consider them like brothers, I certainly do not want to marry any of them. And if that were the case, then every single guy I dated after my first boyfriend would have been a cheating jerk.

But they weren’t. And all of my friends’ husbands would be the same. But…

They aren’t. And that’s good because my friends are not all the same. They are all very different and as such, need their husbands to be different.

See, God has all called us to show Jesus through ourselves. And that means showing God through our personalities. And through the jobs we have or don’t have. Through our relationships which are all different.

My relationship with one friend is different from the next. Because they are all different and bring out different aspects of my personality just like I bring out different aspects of their personalities.

In The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis writes this about friendship:

Lamb says somewhere that if, of three friends (A, B, and C), A should die, then B loses not only A but “A’s part in B.” In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all of his facets.

I believe that marriage is that way, in a sense. Of course, this is just theory as I am not married, but I believe that a spouse can bring out the best in you. They can also bring out the worst, too. I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it in a relationship where the person who I was in the relationship with brought out the worst in me. My temper, my desire to be perfect in every way.

Oh, it wasn’t pretty. It was down right ugly.

And I neither want to remember it nor go back to it.

No, I want to be better next time. The last time.

And I want it to be just as God has planned it to be.

I’ve got a dream of a romance that is built just for me where my husband is willing to court me. To be consistent. To work at our relationship. Where he loves God more than me and is willing to do whatever it takes to provide for our family. Where I am his partner but he will still be the head of the household in every way. Where I can wear my flannel pajamas to bed more times than I will a nightgown and he will still see me as sexy and beautiful.

Where he will just love me for the quirky, crazy girl that God has created me to be and he will listen to my dreams for adoption (because I’m not sure I want to ever be pregnant and after reading Adopted for Life, I see adoption in a whole new light that solidified my desire to adopt) and a missional mindset – even if the mission field is just our front yard and down the street.

Where we will serve God side by side in ministering to youth because I have a dream to bring Jesus to young women who don’t realize their potential and that those dreams they dreamed aren’t just fancies and weren’t just from nothing but that maybe – just maybe – those dreams were planted there by God.

Maybe these are just fanciful dreams. Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on me and on God.

But these are the desires of my heart and I KNOW that God will deliver as long as I continue to seek Him. Maybe He will deliver in a way that I don’t see just yet.

There is one thing I do know:

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love.

May be able to comprehend with all saints what [is] the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;

And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abudantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

Unto him [be] the glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen {Ephesians 3:17-21}

God has placed these dreams in my heart. He is allowing me to dream big. And I believe with all of my heart – I have faith because I can’t see it just yet – that He will bring my dreams to reality.

What are your dreams? What is God allowing you to dream for? Do you believe He will come through?

If we can just believe that He will follow through on His promises and stand on that, there is no telling what God will do for and through us!


2 responses to “Going Against the Grain

  1. Hi there. Just wanted to stop in and say that I think it’s awesome that you have a heart for adoption–married or not. That’s a beautiful desire. It will be neat to see what the Lord brings about for you in that arena. Keep pursuing it . . . .

    Love from Thailand,


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