Excitement for the immediate future

I am really excited about the next coming months of blogging. I’m not going to write too much in this post because I’ll be writing a post on December 8th that will explain it all but I will say this: What we’ll be doing is so near and dear to my heart that I am so so glad that I am apart of it!

Come back on December 8th and you can read all about it!

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I Knew There Was a Reason Why I Preferred B&N

*Side Note: I was going to write a post about this being Veteran’s Day since I am the oldest daughter of a Vietnam vet and I have uncles, cousins and friends who have all served but this is a more pressing issue.

I’m sure by now you’ve heard about the ebook The Pedophile’s Guide to Love & Pleasure being sold on Amazon.com. (I’m so disgusted by this that I won’t even link to their site in this post.) (They have since removed the book from their site as well.)

I’m sure you’ve even heard about the boycott on Facebook. And the statement that Amazon has made – although as of writing this, my understanding is that Amazon refused to respond to any emails or calls from any of the larger media companies.

If you haven’t well here it is:

A man, who identifies himself as a “pedosexual” (a term I am sure he came up with to help himself feel better about what he is doing), wrote a book to help other pedophiles so they wouldn’t get caught having sex with children. The description he gives of the book that was on Amazon is as follows:

This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certian rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught.

First of all, he apparently can not spell. Second, when did we assume that pedophiles have a “better nature”? Now, I know that isn’t very Christian of me but as a Christian, I believe that there are demons out there and pedophilia is one of the worst. If you want to talk about a “better nature” how about the pedophile getting help? There is a song called “Good Ole American Way” by Justine Moore and there is a line that goes “Now we’re forgetting who we are; Hell, we tolerate everything and just call it love.”

And I think I’ll just leave it at that. Personally, I’ve completely removed my account from Amazon.com. I have had issues with them in the past and gave them a second chance but I just don’t think that they can redeem themselves in my eyes after this. And again, I know that isn’t very Christian of me and it’s not my normal mindset because I believe in redemption in Christ but I just can’t see buying from a company who tried to justify selling this book by calling it censorship if they didn’t sell it. Um, Amazon, you refuse to sell porn and don’t call that censorship? I don’t agree with porn either but you can’t refuse to sell something that is technically legal to sell and then sell something that will aid and abet in the perpetrating of a criminal act.

Choose for yourself what you will do. I can not make the choice for you.

e.e. cummings

I haven’t always been a fan of e.e. cummings. It wasn’t until I watched the movie In Her Shoes that I really became a fan.

It is during the end of the movie during the wedding scene when Cameron Diaz’s character recites the poem “I Carry Your Heart With Me” as a surprise for her sister played by Toni Collette. This is after they’ve been through a roller coaster ride for most of the movie. I’m really not all that great as summarizing movies so here is the trailer:

I will say this: In Her Shoes isn’t a family-friendly movie and it might go to the extremes of relationships, however, there is also an undertone of redemption and forgiveness. (After writing this, I think I’m going to have to watch it again.)

So lately I’ve really been thinking about this poem. It’s not the most eloquent poem I’ve ever read but it’s profound in its simplicity. If you’ve never read it, here it is:

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it (anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

(I tried to find a clip of Cameron Diaz reciting the poem but I couldn’t. I must also confess that I love the dress Toni Collette wears in this scene, too. Def my dream dress but that is for another post.)

I know this post isn’t very spiritual but I just wanted to share with all of you something that I love. Something that I would say is my heart. If I could write poetry, I think I would write something similar. Hope you enjoy! 🙂

Known

known (verb): to perceive or understand as fact or truth; to apprehend clearly and with certainty; to have established or fixed in the mind or memory; to be cognizant or aware of; be acquainted with (a thing, place, person, etc.), as by sight, experience, or report; to understand from experience or attainment (usually fol. by how  before an infinitive); to be able to distinguish, as one from another.

To be known by another.

To have knowledge of someone or something.

I believe that all humans want to know and be known by another. God also wants to be known by His children. He already knows us.

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! {Psalm 46:10 NKJV}

O God, You know my foolishness; And my sins are not hidden from You. {Psalm 69:5}

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting. {Psalm 139:23,24}

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. {Psalm 139:13,14}

I want to know God. I don’t want to just say I know God but I want to be able to say it with meaning behind it.

Whenever I think about the fact that I am single, I always go back to this thought:

How can I expect to know another person – a Godly man – if I don’t know God?

I feel like in order to be ready for that type of relationship, I need to spend more time in the Word, more time in prayer. How will I know who the right man is if I don’t know God and I don’t have discernment enough to know the difference between someone who knows God and doesn’t know God, or if he doesn’t know God that he is open to knowing God.

There is a song by Little Big Town called “To Know Love” and one of the lyrics is:

‘Cause to know you is to know love
And to know love is to know enough
To walk with you through this life
From now until the day I die

When I first heard this song, it made me think of the fact that God is Love. And if we know God, we know Love. If we know Jesus, we know Love because in the name of Love, He gave His life for us so that we may be able to know the Father in an intimate way.

How amazing is that?

And yet, there are those who reject Him. Every day I am more and more thankful for His love and grace and mercy in my life and I can not wait to see what He has in store for me. Today and every day forward will be a wonderful day.

Am I A Negative Nancy?

I’ve noticed that lately I can be a little on the negative side.

Especially in my blog.

I find that sometimes it is easier to say somethings that I want to tell my friends then to just tell them.

Case in point: Last night I was hang out with some married friends and they both have kiddos. As we were eating dinner age and marriage and kids (and my lack thereof) came up in conversation as it can when you put women in a room together.

I had mentioned a conversation I had with my sister earlier yesterday about how I was already freaking out, ok, maybe not necessarily freaking out but I am not happy about the fact that I’ll be 30… next year. I know it’s irrational but it’s because I feel like I haven’t really accomplished a lot of what I wanted to do by 30.

And my sister asked me what I want to do before I’m 30 and my automatic and immediate response is: “Get married and have a baby.”

Her response to that was: “Well, you have 4 months to do it and if you did that I would punch you.” (Yeah, I know.)

So when I told this to my friends, their response was that it could happen because God can do anything (True) because His ways are not our ways (Also true). But I immediately shot the idea down because it’s not how I would plan it. Because even though it bothers me now, I am sure that when my 30th birthday rolls around next year, I’ll be ok whether I’m single, engaged or married at the time.

Because regardless of whether or not I’m in a relationship or not, I know one thing to be True and that is I have Jesus. And that is enough for me.

Everything else is icing on the cake.

But I think the one thing that really upset me was that when talking about having kids and I again mentioned that I didn’t necessarily want to have natural children, one of my friends said that she knew I would be pregnant at one point.

Something in me just became really upset by that statement. Because, and I didn’t say this because both women again have children, I don’t want to have children naturally. Maybe that will change but I can’t imagine giving birth to a child when there are so many children who need parents and want parents out there. Maybe that is selfish of me. And I know that is a negative statement to make, too, but that’s just where I’m at right now. (I think it has to do with my friends having been TOO honest about their pregnancies.)

So what do I do with this except pray about it?

Then I think about Proverbs 16:9

A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.

And I also think about the book, Plan B, by Pete Wilson (which I haven’t yet read completely but I downloaded the podcasts that the book is based on and it has really stirred me). Obviously my life hasn’t gone how I would have planned it if I really had any control because I would have been married with kids by now.

BUT (and I’m pretty sure that I’ve said this before) I know that if I had gotten married by now:

  1. I’d be divorced. It doesn’t matter who. Of all the guys I’ve dated, good or bad, I wasn’t meant to marry them and we probably wouldn’t have stayed married.
  2. I wouldn’t have come to God when I did or I wouldn’t have come to God at all.
  3. I’d be a single mom.

Three things that I’m glad didn’t happen. So, after last night’s discussion, I’ve realized that I’ve been very negative about my singleness.

And I don’t want to do that. And I certainly don’t want to portray that here. Because I know that God is doing something amazing in my life right now. And he will continue to do so whether I’m single or not. So…

I’m going to start changing how I view this season of my life (although I would really like it to be over soon – just sayin’). I know that this isn’t going to change completely overnight (oh how I wish it would though!) but I’m going to make an effort to bring these negative thoughts under captivity.