Today in my inbox was my weekly subscription to the Christian Singles Today (CST) e-newsletter. This weeks installment was the male point of view on what a woman should do if she is interested in a guy.
The men who answered the question belong to a new panel of eight men, who range in age from 23-50 and are either never been married or divorced, that CST has created to answer the questions single women have. It seems that there have not been too many men in the past who are willing to answer the questions posed by CST’s weekly newsletter. To be honest, it makes sense to me because there are few men I know (single or otherwise) that are willing to openly speak to others about their “feelings”, what they are looking for in a relationship, etc. It’s not “manly.”
Just as an aside… I don’t buy it that it isn’t manly to talk about the “sensitive” stuff. Honestly, I think they talk to each other about it but not to women because they are either a) afraid it will hurt our feelings (because they think we aren’t strong enough) or b) they think we are too opinionated that we would get mad and jump allover what they are saying. I digress…
In regards to this weeks article, I was much surprised to see that not all men aren’t strictly one side of the coin or the other. They all said that if a woman is interested, she needs to show that by somehow singling them out by trying to start a conversation and learning more about them and their interests. I think the most insightful point of view for me was from a 23-yr-old young man who said,
Before I answer the question, I’d like to make an observation. The women I know thrive on verbal affirmation/feedback about their relationships. I like affirmation too, but talking about the status of a relationship seems to come naturally for the girls I know. So, when I ask a girl out, the relationship begins with a clear and undeniable expression that I’m interested and attracted and I leave no room for doubt in the girl’s mind. This also works to combat the common “guys these days are passive” complaints. With that background, if a girl is interested in me, I feel more comfortable if she lets me ask her out.
I was quite surprised only because I didn’t think many men felt that way. (Again though, not many of the Godly men in my life talk about this with me, but then again I don’t bring it up in conversation either.) I have to admit that I would like it if a man did ask me out. In the past, especially prior to my salvation, I was the one who initiated the asking out which was very strange because I was always the one afraid of being rejected but, again, I digress.
In the words of my wonderful Pastor Dale, “I said all that to say this…” Although I have set my self apart for God and my future husband, I am a woman who would love to be pursued by my future husband like God has pursued me and how He continues to pursue a relationship with His Church. Throughout the Bible you get a picture of God pursuing His people to live a life devoted to Him through obedience and reverence.
Now, as I type this, I don’t want anyone to think that I feel a marriage is where the wife is under complete “control” of her husband. No, but… the husband is to be the head of the household and the wife and husband are supposed to respect and honor one another (read 1 Corin. 7, 1 Corin. 13, Ephesians 5:22-33 are just a few examples of Biblical principles on love and marriage). In my experience, the only relationships that work are those where the husband and wife are a team, make decisions together and the husband takes his place as head of the household. There is a reason why God made man first, and no it’s not so He could perfect humans by creating woman. He is to protect His wife and children, be the spiritual head of the household and involved in every decision made regarding the home and family.
When it comes time for my future spouse and I to meet, I pray that he will be the one to pursue me and want to win my heart. Relationships take work and are a two way street but just once (and hopefully the last time) in my life, I would like for a man to pursue me.