Infiltrate by Worth Dying For (with one little, itty, bitty edit)

I’m apart of the fellowship of the unashamed.
I have holy spirit power.
I’ve stepped over the line, the decision has been made; I’m a disciple of his.

I wont look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.
My past redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure.

I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed vision, worldy talking, cheap giving, and dark goals.

I no longer need preeminence, position, promotion, applause, or popularity.
I don’t have to be right first, tops recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded.
I now live by faith, lean on his presence, walk by patience.
I am uplifted by prayer and labor empowered.

My face is set, my great is fast, my goal is heaven the Kingdom, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my God reliable, my mission is clear.

I cannot be bucked, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of my adversaries, negotiate at the table of my enemy, or ponder at the pool of popularity.

I wont give up, set up, let up, until I’ve stayed up, Lord I’ve prayed up, preached up, for the cause of Christ.


This is my prayer for myself and everyone else in the Body of Christ. Lord, I pray for those who have this type of passion for You and Your Kingdom and those of us who are striving for it. Father God, that those who have such a passion for You would reach out and encourage those who do not and that they would not let go. Lord, that they would continue in that path. Father, for those of us who are in the Valley of Decision, who find that the cares of this world weigh us down, God that we would find that passion for You deep within us and are able to not only be encouraged but, are able to encourage ourselves. Father, You are not only my Friend and Father but, You are my Husband. God, I know that I have been silent but I do love You. Please forgive me.



Journal Entry – October 11, 2009

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praise shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

– Philippians 4:6,7 (MSG)

I’m not sure what to write. I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. And today’s service really got me thinking as well.

I need to stop worrying about money. Instead of worrying, I need to manage it better.

I need to quit my job at the Gap.

I need to take better care of my relationships. My relationships with my natural and spiritual families but most importantly, my relationship with God.

I need to read more, pray more. Really listen to God.

I have to apply to law school.

I have to get myself in one piece so I can do what God has called me to do.

I have to start realizing all of the things around me that I should be so thankful for that I so take for granted.

What have I gotten myself into?

So I went into work on Monday getting ready to give my notice and instead…

I just cut my hours down to one night a week…


I am such a sucker.

Oh well, at least it’s a Monday or Tuesday night and I have my weekends free. However, after reading two posts from Like a Warm Cup of Coffee (here and here), I really would like to find a way to slow down… let go of stuff… that causes me to be busy, to always be in a rush. Angie from Bring the Rain wrote a great post at (in)courage about removing the “hurry” from our lives.

Today, Sarah at Best Days of My Life wrote about Hearing and having just one hour of quiet…

Every single one of these posts has hit home with me… Most days I feel I am not doing enough reading or praying or works for the Kingdom but then I get home and my hours are filled with checking my email or getting caught up in one project or another… or working a second job.

Yeah… “Great job, Jen” is usually the criticism that I hear.

I see what people who are constantly on the go are like though. They are always rushing to get things done and the work they do is sloppy. I see this on a daily basis because that is how one of the attorneys I work for works.

So I am going to make the conscious effort to

shut off the TV at night

not work so many hours at my night job

make the time to sit and read and pray (even if that means getting out of my house to do it)

create a space at home where I can sit and read and pray without distraction

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can do this?


Burden… Desire… Longsuffering… I want THAT….

Yep, you heard (or read) me right.

I want to know what it’s like to be desperate for the things of God.

I want to know God in such a way that when I hear His Voice, I know it.

Because there are days when I think I hear His Voice, but I question whether or not I truly heard Him.

I desire to be burdened with a life that is completely sold out to the purpose of God in my life. I don’t believe that I will be in “traditional” ministry. I’m not called to be a part of the worship team in my church. I do teach a Sunday School class but I’m not called to be the youth pastor at my church either.

I want Christ to be all anyone sees when they see me. (Or at the very least they see that I’m not like the rest of the world.)

I want to know what it’s like to be truly patient for God’s timing but also to be bold enough to step out in faith to walk the path that God has called me to. THAT scares me.

I desire to be brave enough to let go of all of my insecurities so that I can truly know who I am in God.

holy experience
This week I praise God for:

11. A weekly Bible study with friends (including my pastor and his wife) that encourages and pushes (in a good way) us all to desire a deeper relationship with God (not just more knowledge of Him)
12. Friends who encourage you to call out sick to your 2nd job you are quitting anyway
13. Laughter
14. Married friends encouraging single friends

I pray you all had a wonderful weekend.


Multitude Monday

holy experience
This past week, I was amazingly grateful for being sick with a cold.

It made me realize a few things:

  1. Maybe taking on a second job wasn’t such a good idea, let alone a God idea.
  2. It’s not conducive to fellowship with my friends and, more importantly, God.
  3. Taking on a second job doesn’t necessarily show my faith in God to provide for me…

And, so, I will be quitting my second job.

While I was sick this week, I had the opportunity to read a little bit and study a little as well. One of the books I got to read from was “Lists to Live By 4.” One of the lists is called “40 Often Overlooked Blessings.” Here are a few from that list that I liked…

6. I’m thankful for my good health.
7. I’m thankful for the sacred release of a good cry.
8. I’m thankful for the opportunity to let go gracefully without regrets.
9. I’m thankful for the miracle of waking up every morning.
10. I’m thankful for God’s perfect timing.


Haven’t Met You Yet

I’m a fan of Michael Buble. I love how he sings the old standards. My friend, Sarah, and her husband, Sergio, danced to his version of “Save the Last Dance for Me” at their wedding. I also like his versions of “How Sweet It Is” and “Crazy Love.”

On his new CD, “Crazy Love,” he co-wrote a song called “Haven’t Met You Yet.”

He must have been reading my blog or something because it’s exactly the song I would write for my husband. One of the verses goes like this:

I Might Have To Wait
I’ll Never Give Up
I Guess It’s Half Timing
And The Other Half’s Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It’s Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

(I think that the only thing I would change from this verse is that it’s not “Luck” but “God.”) And the chorus is:

And I Know Someday That It’ll All Turn Out
You’ll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I’ll Get So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven’t Met You Yet

So, watch the video above. Check out the song and his new CD.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I’m home battling a cold. There is also a major decision I’m wrestling with and I’ll blog about that once I make my decision but please pray that God will speak to me over the next couple of days about my decision.


Oops, I’m a little late…

holy experience
So… I’m about a day late… Let me tell you this weekend I was flat out! I worked my 2nd job on Friday night only to get out late and to where I was supposed to be (a friend’s house) really late. Then the rest of the weekend was just as crazy! I won’t go into to too many details but I started to get a head cold because of it. First, it was a sore throat but now that is gone and I can feel a stuffy nose forming…

Here is my list from this past week… Some maybe obvious but we’re just getting started…

  1. I’m thankful for the prayers from my church family for spoken and unspoken requests.
  2. I’m thankful for my former roommate and best girl friend who knows just when I need fellowship.
  3. I’m thankful for the warmth of the sun on a Sunday afternoon during a church picnic the first weekend of October.
  4. I’m thankful for the fact that I can gather with a body of believers on a Sunday morning or Thursday evening to hear the Word of God.
  5. I”m thankful for those who have gone before and left us a wealth of knowledge about the Word to help us continue to study it.

So, it’s a start. 🙂 I pray you have a wonderful week.