Ushering in the New Year

So I haven’t posted at all really in the last 3 weeks.

And in the last 3 weeks I’ve been sick, a dear couple I am blessed to call friends got married, Christmas came and went (although I barely saw Christmas day since I spent half the day sleeping) and now that December 31st is almost here, I am going to spend the next few days continuing to be quiet and read and listen for God and when he wants to tell me about the coming year. I feel so much expectation for the new year.

There’s an excitement about a “fresh start.”

But I think instead it’s going to be a new chapter instead. Not so much of a starting over as a building upon the last 29 years(!).

I’ll be spending the next 11 months contemplating something really good for the big 3-0 birthday coming up next December. My boss’ wife says I should do something big. And I’m thinking that’s not a bad idea… It’s just figuring that all out…

Hopefully you’ll be there for the journey.

But, until January 1, 2011, I pray that you and yours have a wonderful New Year’s celebration. I’ll be at my church’s annual New Year’s Eve service. If you’re in the Springfield/Northampton area (and that’s a big area), service starts at 8:00 p.m. (give or take a few minutes) and if you need directions, check out the website here.

!deaCamp: Orphan Care

In November, I saw a tweet come up on my Twitter feed from Amber Haines that asked if there were any bloggers interested in orphan care. I sent a direct message back saying that I was interested. After a couple more messages on Twitter, Amber said she would email me the info. So about a week later, I got the email.

I’m excited and nervous for what we are doing for seven weeks starting the first week in January. There is a group of bloggers, those that are more well-known and those, like me, who aren’t as well-known, who will all be blogging about Orphan Care in preparation for the IC//Orphan in NW Arkansas February 25-26, 2011.

All of our posts will be linked on the Idea Camp blog so that you can read all of them or just some of them. Each week we will be discussing the following topics:

• Adoption
• Orphan Trafficking
• US and International Care
• Child Sponsorship
• Community Development
• Foster Care, Mentoring and Special Needs Care
• Orphan Care and the Family

If you click on the picture above it will take you to the Idea Camp blog and you will be able to read other posts by the other bloggers participating. Below is a small blurb about what the Idea Camp is all about:

The Idea Camp is a collaborative movement of idea-makers who facilitate hybrid conferences and develop resources for people who desire to move ideas towards implementation. Facilitated by a growing collective of innovative thinkers and practitioners from numerous disciplines, participants gather around topics of interest to encourage & inspire one another, share practical wisdom from the field, and develop viable networks for idea-making.

If you click here, you can check out the Idea Camp website and get more information about IC//Orphan. Click here for the Idea Camp blog post from December 1 about the Idea Camp in February.

For me, this is a journey that is very personal and I will discuss it more in the coming weeks. I’ve mentioned it before that I have a heart for young women and for those that are victims of human trafficking and many victims of human trafficking are orphans. I also have a heart for adoption and someday I hope that I can adopt as well.

I hope that you’ll come back next month to read about Orphan Care and how you and I can help to change the plight of the 160+ million orphans around the world.

You can also follow Idea Camp on Twitter at: theideacamp

Today is My Birthday

29 years ago today, I was born during a blizzard. Or, at least, that’s what my parents tell me.

And, today, on my 29th birthday, I’m not working.

I decided I needed a long weekend and since I have vacation days left to use, I figured that using it to take off my birthday was a good use of a vacation day.

I don’t have too much planned for today and I did that intentionally. I didn’t want to feel obligated to do anything or be anywhere. This morning I am going to breakfast with my Pastor’s wife. It’s been a while since I’ve sat down with her and why not today? 🙂

I’m not sure what I’ll be doing this afternoon but tonight I will be driving to Greenfield, MA to hear the Word of God from Michael Tyrrell. He’s a wonderful man of God and has an ear to hear what God is saying to him. He speaks truth and has biblically sound teach.

Pretty good birthday if I do say so myself. 🙂

Keep on the look out next week for a post from me about a weekly series I’ll be doing in January and February. I know I have posted too much in the last couple of months and I might not post too much this month either with all that is going with holidays and a wedding but I’ll do my best 🙂

Blessings!

Jen

Excitement for the immediate future

I am really excited about the next coming months of blogging. I’m not going to write too much in this post because I’ll be writing a post on December 8th that will explain it all but I will say this: What we’ll be doing is so near and dear to my heart that I am so so glad that I am apart of it!

Come back on December 8th and you can read all about it!

I Knew There Was a Reason Why I Preferred B&N

*Side Note: I was going to write a post about this being Veteran’s Day since I am the oldest daughter of a Vietnam vet and I have uncles, cousins and friends who have all served but this is a more pressing issue.

I’m sure by now you’ve heard about the ebook The Pedophile’s Guide to Love & Pleasure being sold on Amazon.com. (I’m so disgusted by this that I won’t even link to their site in this post.) (They have since removed the book from their site as well.)

I’m sure you’ve even heard about the boycott on Facebook. And the statement that Amazon has made – although as of writing this, my understanding is that Amazon refused to respond to any emails or calls from any of the larger media companies.

If you haven’t well here it is:

A man, who identifies himself as a “pedosexual” (a term I am sure he came up with to help himself feel better about what he is doing), wrote a book to help other pedophiles so they wouldn’t get caught having sex with children. The description he gives of the book that was on Amazon is as follows:

This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certian rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught.

First of all, he apparently can not spell. Second, when did we assume that pedophiles have a “better nature”? Now, I know that isn’t very Christian of me but as a Christian, I believe that there are demons out there and pedophilia is one of the worst. If you want to talk about a “better nature” how about the pedophile getting help? There is a song called “Good Ole American Way” by Justine Moore and there is a line that goes “Now we’re forgetting who we are; Hell, we tolerate everything and just call it love.”

And I think I’ll just leave it at that. Personally, I’ve completely removed my account from Amazon.com. I have had issues with them in the past and gave them a second chance but I just don’t think that they can redeem themselves in my eyes after this. And again, I know that isn’t very Christian of me and it’s not my normal mindset because I believe in redemption in Christ but I just can’t see buying from a company who tried to justify selling this book by calling it censorship if they didn’t sell it. Um, Amazon, you refuse to sell porn and don’t call that censorship? I don’t agree with porn either but you can’t refuse to sell something that is technically legal to sell and then sell something that will aid and abet in the perpetrating of a criminal act.

Choose for yourself what you will do. I can not make the choice for you.

e.e. cummings

I haven’t always been a fan of e.e. cummings. It wasn’t until I watched the movie In Her Shoes that I really became a fan.

It is during the end of the movie during the wedding scene when Cameron Diaz’s character recites the poem “I Carry Your Heart With Me” as a surprise for her sister played by Toni Collette. This is after they’ve been through a roller coaster ride for most of the movie. I’m really not all that great as summarizing movies so here is the trailer:

I will say this: In Her Shoes isn’t a family-friendly movie and it might go to the extremes of relationships, however, there is also an undertone of redemption and forgiveness. (After writing this, I think I’m going to have to watch it again.)

So lately I’ve really been thinking about this poem. It’s not the most eloquent poem I’ve ever read but it’s profound in its simplicity. If you’ve never read it, here it is:

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it (anywhere

i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

(I tried to find a clip of Cameron Diaz reciting the poem but I couldn’t. I must also confess that I love the dress Toni Collette wears in this scene, too. Def my dream dress but that is for another post.)

I know this post isn’t very spiritual but I just wanted to share with all of you something that I love. Something that I would say is my heart. If I could write poetry, I think I would write something similar. Hope you enjoy! 🙂

Known

known (verb): to perceive or understand as fact or truth; to apprehend clearly and with certainty; to have established or fixed in the mind or memory; to be cognizant or aware of; be acquainted with (a thing, place, person, etc.), as by sight, experience, or report; to understand from experience or attainment (usually fol. by how  before an infinitive); to be able to distinguish, as one from another.

To be known by another.

To have knowledge of someone or something.

I believe that all humans want to know and be known by another. God also wants to be known by His children. He already knows us.

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! {Psalm 46:10 NKJV}

O God, You know my foolishness; And my sins are not hidden from You. {Psalm 69:5}

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting. {Psalm 139:23,24}

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. {Psalm 139:13,14}

I want to know God. I don’t want to just say I know God but I want to be able to say it with meaning behind it.

Whenever I think about the fact that I am single, I always go back to this thought:

How can I expect to know another person – a Godly man – if I don’t know God?

I feel like in order to be ready for that type of relationship, I need to spend more time in the Word, more time in prayer. How will I know who the right man is if I don’t know God and I don’t have discernment enough to know the difference between someone who knows God and doesn’t know God, or if he doesn’t know God that he is open to knowing God.

There is a song by Little Big Town called “To Know Love” and one of the lyrics is:

‘Cause to know you is to know love
And to know love is to know enough
To walk with you through this life
From now until the day I die

When I first heard this song, it made me think of the fact that God is Love. And if we know God, we know Love. If we know Jesus, we know Love because in the name of Love, He gave His life for us so that we may be able to know the Father in an intimate way.

How amazing is that?

And yet, there are those who reject Him. Every day I am more and more thankful for His love and grace and mercy in my life and I can not wait to see what He has in store for me. Today and every day forward will be a wonderful day.

Am I A Negative Nancy?

I’ve noticed that lately I can be a little on the negative side.

Especially in my blog.

I find that sometimes it is easier to say somethings that I want to tell my friends then to just tell them.

Case in point: Last night I was hang out with some married friends and they both have kiddos. As we were eating dinner age and marriage and kids (and my lack thereof) came up in conversation as it can when you put women in a room together.

I had mentioned a conversation I had with my sister earlier yesterday about how I was already freaking out, ok, maybe not necessarily freaking out but I am not happy about the fact that I’ll be 30… next year. I know it’s irrational but it’s because I feel like I haven’t really accomplished a lot of what I wanted to do by 30.

And my sister asked me what I want to do before I’m 30 and my automatic and immediate response is: “Get married and have a baby.”

Her response to that was: “Well, you have 4 months to do it and if you did that I would punch you.” (Yeah, I know.)

So when I told this to my friends, their response was that it could happen because God can do anything (True) because His ways are not our ways (Also true). But I immediately shot the idea down because it’s not how I would plan it. Because even though it bothers me now, I am sure that when my 30th birthday rolls around next year, I’ll be ok whether I’m single, engaged or married at the time.

Because regardless of whether or not I’m in a relationship or not, I know one thing to be True and that is I have Jesus. And that is enough for me.

Everything else is icing on the cake.

But I think the one thing that really upset me was that when talking about having kids and I again mentioned that I didn’t necessarily want to have natural children, one of my friends said that she knew I would be pregnant at one point.

Something in me just became really upset by that statement. Because, and I didn’t say this because both women again have children, I don’t want to have children naturally. Maybe that will change but I can’t imagine giving birth to a child when there are so many children who need parents and want parents out there. Maybe that is selfish of me. And I know that is a negative statement to make, too, but that’s just where I’m at right now. (I think it has to do with my friends having been TOO honest about their pregnancies.)

So what do I do with this except pray about it?

Then I think about Proverbs 16:9

A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.

And I also think about the book, Plan B, by Pete Wilson (which I haven’t yet read completely but I downloaded the podcasts that the book is based on and it has really stirred me). Obviously my life hasn’t gone how I would have planned it if I really had any control because I would have been married with kids by now.

BUT (and I’m pretty sure that I’ve said this before) I know that if I had gotten married by now:

1. I’d be divorced. It doesn’t matter who. Of all the guys I’ve dated, good or bad, I wasn’t meant to marry them and we probably wouldn’t have stayed married.
2. I wouldn’t have come to God when I did or I wouldn’t have come to God at all.
3. I’d be a single mom.

Three things that I’m glad didn’t happen. So, after last night’s discussion, I’ve realized that I’ve been very negative about my singleness.

And I don’t want to do that. And I certainly don’t want to portray that here. Because I know that God is doing something amazing in my life right now. And he will continue to do so whether I’m single or not. So…

I’m going to start changing how I view this season of my life (although I would really like it to be over soon – just sayin’). I know that this isn’t going to change completely overnight (oh how I wish it would though!) but I’m going to make an effort to bring these negative thoughts under captivity.

Going Against the Grain

I get frustrated. Annoyed, really, when friends try to tell me that my (future) marriage is going to be a certain way.

As if each of their marriages is exactly the same.

And apparently every man is the same way. If that were the case, which I’m pretty sure it’s not, then I am better off staying single the rest of my life.

Because although I love all of my guy friends and consider them like brothers, I certainly do not want to marry any of them. And if that were the case, then every single guy I dated after my first boyfriend would have been a cheating jerk.

But they weren’t. And all of my friends’ husbands would be the same. But…

They aren’t. And that’s good because my friends are not all the same. They are all very different and as such, need their husbands to be different.

See, God has all called us to show Jesus through ourselves. And that means showing God through our personalities. And through the jobs we have or don’t have. Through our relationships which are all different.

My relationship with one friend is different from the next. Because they are all different and bring out different aspects of my personality just like I bring out different aspects of their personalities.

In The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis writes this about friendship:

Lamb says somewhere that if, of three friends (A, B, and C), A should die, then B loses not only A but “A’s part in B.” In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all of his facets.

I believe that marriage is that way, in a sense. Of course, this is just theory as I am not married, but I believe that a spouse can bring out the best in you. They can also bring out the worst, too. I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it in a relationship where the person who I was in the relationship with brought out the worst in me. My temper, my desire to be perfect in every way.

Oh, it wasn’t pretty. It was down right ugly.

And I neither want to remember it nor go back to it.

No, I want to be better next time. The last time.

And I want it to be just as God has planned it to be.

I’ve got a dream of a romance that is built just for me where my husband is willing to court me. To be consistent. To work at our relationship. Where he loves God more than me and is willing to do whatever it takes to provide for our family. Where I am his partner but he will still be the head of the household in every way. Where I can wear my flannel pajamas to bed more times than I will a nightgown and he will still see me as sexy and beautiful.

Where he will just love me for the quirky, crazy girl that God has created me to be and he will listen to my dreams for adoption (because I’m not sure I want to ever be pregnant and after reading Adopted for Life, I see adoption in a whole new light that solidified my desire to adopt) and a missional mindset – even if the mission field is just our front yard and down the street.

Where we will serve God side by side in ministering to youth because I have a dream to bring Jesus to young women who don’t realize their potential and that those dreams they dreamed aren’t just fancies and weren’t just from nothing but that maybe – just maybe – those dreams were planted there by God.

Maybe these are just fanciful dreams. Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on me and on God.

But these are the desires of my heart and I KNOW that God will deliver as long as I continue to seek Him. Maybe He will deliver in a way that I don’t see just yet.

There is one thing I do know:

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love.

May be able to comprehend with all saints what [is] the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;

And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abudantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

Unto him [be] the glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen {Ephesians 3:17-21}

God has placed these dreams in my heart. He is allowing me to dream big. And I believe with all of my heart – I have faith because I can’t see it just yet – that He will bring my dreams to reality.

What are your dreams? What is God allowing you to dream for? Do you believe He will come through?

If we can just believe that He will follow through on His promises and stand on that, there is no telling what God will do for and through us!

Blue Like Jazz Movie

I am sure by now that some, if not all, of you (the 10 people who read this little blog) have heard about the book Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller. He has also written other books such as Searching for God Knows What, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, To Own and Dragon and Through Painted Deserts.

I have read Blue Like Jazz and A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (thanks to Sarah Markley’s recommendation on her blog) and was changed.

A Million Miles is the story about the making of BLJ into a screenplay and then into a movie. Until this past September, they were in the process of raising money to fund the production of the movie when everything came to a standstill (go here for the blog post Don Miller wrote on his blog).

That’s when Zach Prichard and Jonathan Frazier decided that they would try to save the movie by starting fundraising themselves with the website, Save Blue Like Jazz. They created an account on kickstarter.com to raise the funds.

The original goal was $125,000.00 by October 25 but as of right now, the grand total that has been raised is $210,170.00 (at 8:55 a.m. on Saturday, October 23).

Now, to tell you how these books have affected me are 2 different posts (I would have to dedicate one to each book), but I will say this, I am constantly asking myself if I am living a good story and what I can do to change the course of the story I am currently on to match that of the story that God has laid out for my life because I truly believe that God has a story for all of us to live out – we just need to be willing to search that story out.

I am writing this post to ask you to give if you have not already given to the movie. I think for a movie like this to come out in the theaters will affect more people than any one of us could imagine because I think this book has affected more people – Christians and non-Christians, alike – than anyone knows.

I, myself, have given to the movie so if you look on page 52 of the backers list, you’ll find my name.

If you go here, Don Miller has posted a video on his blog to let you know how much this fund-raising push has changed some of the people involved in the movie. Now, I know my little blog doesn’t always get a lot of traffic, but I’m hoping that those who come across my little corner of the blogosphere will read this blog and if you’ve read Blue Like Jazz, too, and you want to see this movie made, just donate one $1 if that is all you can. History is being made through this movie already just by how the funds have been raised.

Become part of history today! You only have until midnight EST on October 25 to donate. (That’s 9 p.m. PST)